I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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