My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
