it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize