mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
