3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
