i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
