you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I understand Curling. That high.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
