My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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