Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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