Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
