SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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