It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
