Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

(865): View more from Tennessee

the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

(865): View more from Tennessee

this medicine is soooo good.

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(865): i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone. (865): the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now" (865): this medicine is soooo good. http://tfl.nu/gt3j

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(312): View more from Illinois

omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies

(815): View more from Illinois

Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

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(312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies (815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more. http://tfl.nu/camm

Replies (13) Good night (1058) Bad night (1947)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.

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(901): I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort. http://tfl.nu/dcm6

Replies (11) Good night (3409) Bad night (699)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut

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(205): Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut http://tfl.nu/pdjw

Replies (68) Good night (1166) Bad night (5624)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.

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(203): We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad. http://tfl.nu/dqqr

Replies (23) Good night (4456) Bad night (1482)
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(817): View more from Texas

Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".

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(817): Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel". http://tfl.nu/2v56

Replies (15) Good night (5294) Bad night (1160)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.

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(330): I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him. http://tfl.nu/hzd4

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(513): View more from Ohio

Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?

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(513): Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/gja3

Replies (14) Good night (1490) Bad night (4650)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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(202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb

Replies (50) Good night (2559) Bad night (5639)
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(269): View more from Michigan

We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.

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(269): We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all. http://tfl.nu/epk0

Replies (4) Good night (1927) Bad night (905)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here

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(401): Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here http://tfl.nu/3omi

Replies (2) Good night (1268) Bad night (688)
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(562): View more from California

WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?

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(562): WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution? http://tfl.nu/1mlt

Replies (57) Good night (1002) Bad night (2503)
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(916): View more from California

you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"

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(916): you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances" http://tfl.nu/1xse

Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (380)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs

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(303): I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs http://tfl.nu/gu03

Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (280)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.

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(978): Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight. http://tfl.nu/yzh3

Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (184)

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