I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
