Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Houston, we have a squirter
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday