I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
