i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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