Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
