she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
