i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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