She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
