im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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