Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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