STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
