'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
