I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
