She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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