I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
