Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
