i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I need moral support for this bender
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
