Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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