shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
