Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
