ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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