i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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