So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
