i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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