so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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