I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
