Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it hurts more in the daytime
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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