I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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