Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
