today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
