Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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