no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
