you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
