you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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