I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
