well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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