1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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