I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
