i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
