This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
