He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
