Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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