I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
