yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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