Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
