This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
