just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
