need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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