It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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