I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
