I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
