I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
