I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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