Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
