Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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