It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
