Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
