So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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