You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
