If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
